Sonal Giani, an advocacy officer with the Humsafar Trust, and Upasana Naithani, a marketing professional, were friends before they started dating. When they met about a year ago, Giani was getting over the turbulent end of a previous relationship: her former girlfriend’s parents had pressured her into a heterosexual marriage, and Giani was determined to date only someone who was out, in the future. “But you can’t really decide who you are going to fall in love with,” she said. The two first met online through common friends, and then when Naithani got a job in Mumbai. Close friendship soon fostered a deeper emotional attachment, and although Naithani hadn’t come out as a lesbian, Giani wanted the relationship anyway. “Forget queer women,” she said. “Even among women [in general], I have found very few who are that strong. And I needed a strong figure; someone who I could talk to, who gave me space.”

Naithani too garnered strength from Giani’s unapologetic life as a gay woman. “To me, coming out was telling yourself that you’re going to live [your own] life,” said Naithani, “and not the alternate, make-believe one.” Over the past eight months that they have lived together, the 25-year-olds have fallen comfortably in each other’s groove. Getting important people in their life to make room for their significant others though, can sometimes be tricky territory. “A lot of times, it has happened that your friends turn you away when you come out to them,” said Giani. According to her, sometimes, female friends are okay with the revelation, until the gay partner enters the picture. “[If you are dating men], it’s like they are the other party,” explained Giani. “You can cut them off; you can bitch about your boyfriends.” Best friends tend to get jealous about another woman changing the equation. “So I ask them, ‘Do you want me to do to you what I do to her?’” said Naithani, laughing. It all really boils down to ensuring no one feels left out, and being patient while friends get comfortable with the situation. “You have to give them that space,” Naithani added. “You took your time to understand yourself so you must understand that it’s all new for them also.”